so don't ask if you don't want to know
Posts tagged sex
You’re gay? Well shit
May 17th
There was an interview on TV a bit ago where they asked the actor something like, “now that it’s been established that you’re not gay, are you dating anyone?” I’m like, damn that’s pretty ballsy. Gays date, right?
His response was priceless, (again, I’m paraphrasing because I wasn’t recording it and can’t remember verbatim) “I didn’t address that rumor because I don’t feel I need to defend myself against something that isn’t offensive.” Boo-ya!
Okay, I don’t think being gay is offensive at all. But I kinda do want to know who is and who ain’t. Not that it matters other than in one specific way…
It would completely ruin my fantasies to find out that certain hot male actors were in fact gay.
Seriously ladies, let me ask you… would Matthew McConaughey-hey-gay do as much for you? How about if Johnny Depp suddenly admitted it and changed teams? Sure there are hot gay actors, but they’re not cruising through my dreams. I can still appreciate them in every other way. 
I was probably one of the last people on the planet to know a certain singer was gay and I was crushed and embarrassed. There was a time when he appeared regularly in my personal late-night, though nobody knew that but me.
So I’ll continue to keep verified hetero actors in my fantasies. Unfortunately they’re getting old. Ever since Bruce Willis went bald he doesn’t hold as much interest for me. I need to find some new meat, but I’m a little apprehensive after the George Michael fiasco.
So who are the hot male over 30 (let’s not get ridiculous) actors who are NOT gay?
Cut or Uncut, continued
May 11th
Cuz, like… you know, I never could bring myself to put an uncut penis in my mouth. I dunno if I can at this late date either. 
Dudn’t look like I need to worry about dat anymore anyway. Ain’t a lot of volunteers lining up.
Other than for oral, either way it doesn’t really matter to me.
You know how you’re hungry for a certain meal and its been a long time since you had it? You think about it often at all the wrong times, you try to create it yourself but it’s just not the same so you keep jonesing for it. And then finally there it is in front of you and you just scarf it down without thinking or taking the time to really enjoy it because you’ve waited so long… devouring every last bite and still want more? And then you’re like, shit! I did that all wrong, I should have paid more attention and taken my time.
Yeah, that’s exactly like my last sexual experience a few weeks ago.
Well, I hope it wasn’t my last. I’m still hungry.
I have no gaydar
Feb 27th
Seriously, unless they’re flaming with feather boas (or some other obvious indicator) I never seem to pick up on it.
Not that it matters to me either way. Whatever floats your boat you know.
It’s just that… I have a wild fantasy life… I often (more often than I probably should) make up entire scenarios about various men I know or see or pass on the street. That’s a lot of energy to waste on the few that will never follow through… not that any will ever follow through but a girl has to dream, right?
I mean, men will never know what’s going on in my head. I don’t act like I’ve set up an elaborate fantasy involving him and I in wild animalesque ballets of sex…
unless you’re reading this now
in which case I don’t mean YOU! It’s that other guy… or maybe it was you. Whatever.
The point is, even though nobody will ever know who I fantasize about, I’m still embarrassed when I find out he’s gay. Even though it’s all in my head, I feel like I’ve just been slapped and not in a good way.
There was a really attractive gentleman that came to #evfn last night. Completely out of my league – which makes him prime fodder for starring in my latest mental pornplay – and I actually asked our mutual friend if the fella was married or gay just so I wouldn’t waste my energy on him. Mental energy that is, because there certainly hasn’t been anyone my own age returning any interest in actual playing around.
Maybe I should write some of these out?
