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Posts tagged amusing and/or interesting
And for the rest of you
May 22nd
My baby graduated last night! My last and final (and only) kid to graduate.
I’m telling you the whole thing was a drag right up til they called her name.
Overcast sky all day we were hoping would hold. No such luck. Just before I got there (an hour early in order to find parking and seating) it started sprinkling. As more and more families were crammed into the stands at the school’s football field the rain continued. Umbrellas fighting for space, too. The old bat in front of me had one of those six foot golfer umbrellas that drained right onto my lap. Not to mention the drunk ass father and grandfather that showed up 5 minutes before the thing started and bitched the whole time about getting wet. Shut up asshole, we’ve been here for HOURS. What ever happened to chivalry, where the menfolk sat in the rain holding seats while the ladies waited comfortably whilst sipping cocktails in the car?
Eventually, yet right on time they started the Commencement. 805 graduates filed ceremoniously down the football field. In the rain. Then there was the standing for the pledge and the longest and most elaborate version of the Star Spangled Banner (I swear they added verses) followed by some slow convoluted America the Beautiful. Just long enough to gather puddles in our seats. Joy.
I was soaked and I had an umbrella! Most of those kids didn’t. But they were cheerful and excited, starting waves when the speeches (of which there were too many considering the weather) ran too long. There were teachers and staff at the end of each row confiscating the beach balls that periodically popped up. Spoilsports.
Finally after an hour of (I’m sure very nice and well thought out speeches and music) droll they started calling names, and it took another half an hour before they got to Ginnie’s. People waited til their kid’s name was called and cheered and then promptly left the stadium. By the time my Walker kid was up, our little group was in a wide open space in the stands so she could see us cheering her.
And by the time I made my way to the back of the field they’d flipped their tassels and the families were let in and she found me before I could find her. She was sooo happy and excited and relieved to have it all over. And soaked.
Why do they line those caps in cardboard? Wouldn’t a slim sheet of plastic be just as cheap and yet hold up better to the elements?
A few hugs and pics later (no dumbass me forgot her camera, I’ll have to wait to get copies from Ashley’s mom) she made that phone call and shit went downhill fast.
And just about the time I was trapped in the mass exodus in the parking lot, the rain stopped. Figures.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
I’m a hot cougar
May 20th
In MY mind.
I convinced myself I needed a new hot dress for Vegas, so my friend CJ and I went out last night on search. She found a couple nice and/or dressy blouses for her and I found a dress that I actually like and looked halfway decent on me. But it was a size too small so I had another location hold the dress for me and Ginnie and I traipsed over there today.
Ginnie tried on a few things, but no luck for her. We wandered through a couple more stores and left the mall. She was starving so we went to the McDonalds across the street, passing a tweaker on the way in. Love this town, really. As we’re standing at the counter B.O Boy twitches in and stands behind me and I could barely finish ordering without breathing.
Ginnie says to me, “Mom, if I EVER do ANY drugs besides weed, slap the shit out of me okay?”
ABSOLUTELY.
I just don’t understand why anyone starts on these drugs. Have you ever seen a successful tweaker? Don’t you understand that EVERYONE turns out just like this guy?
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
You Called Me!
May 15th
** The following is an approximated and condensed version of the conversation I had with my mother last night, 1 am her time.
Phone rings, my mother’s ring tone.
Me: Hello?EM: Is Buck there?
Me: Um, no, he’s not available at this number ever again.
EM: Oh, uh, this is his mother-in … er I mean ex-mother-in-law. Do you know where I can reach him?
Me: And this is your daughter if you don’t recognize my voice by now Mom.
EM: Oh shit, you dumbass! What the hell are you doing?
Me: You called me, Mom. And why am I the dumbass? And why are you calling Buck in the middle of the night?
EM: You didn’t call me for Mothers Day so I thought I’d call you.
Me: Bullshit Mom, I talked to you the day before Mother’s Day and you just dialed my number thinking you were calling my EX HUSBAND.
EM: Mumble mumble sleeping pill, how was your Mother’s Day honey?
So I told her how my day went and she moaned about her bad health and Orc’s bad health and the bills and how bankruptcy didn’t help her a lot and how she was up after taking her sleeping pill and making out bills. Blah blah how are all the kids and about Ginnie’s graduation and so forth.
EM: So what did you do for Mother’s Day?Me: Mom, go to bed. And don’t mail out those bills until you double check them tomorrow.
EM: What, you don’t want to tell me what you did for Mother’s Day?
Me: I already did, which is how I know you really need to go to bed.
I never did find out why she was calling the ex. She always did like him better than me.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
