Raising Arizona Wussies
Mar 3rd
Wandering through meetup.com’s groups this morning and came across this bunch (emphasis mine):
Meet other parents who are supporters of Breastfeeding, Gentle Discipline, Child Led Weaning, Cloth diapering, Homeschooling, Babywearing, or Co-sleeping all are welcome here.We will have meet ups in Mesa, Chandler, Tempe, Phoenix, and Scottsdale. We ask that you always be respectful of the way that others parent.
Reason you have to put that disclaimer in your description? Because experienced parents know how stupid you all are! The title of the group should be How To Get Your Kid Beat Up and subtitled Or How To Raise A Columbine Killer!
What the fuck is babywearing?
I’ve been around parents who gently discipline. Those are the kids that are plowing over your kid in the play area or taking his stuff. The “Mummy” gently and in a baby voice says shit like, “no no darling, mummy asked you nicely to stop doing that. Do you want to have to do a time-out? Hmmm?” about 12 times instead of snatching their little brat up and giving him what for.
*sigh* I suppose it’s better than so-called parents who don’t do anything at all but yell at their spawn like they’re dogs.
How to be a good parent? Pay attention! That’s it. Pay attention. Be in the moment with your kid as often as possible, but also teach them that they aren’t the center of the universe. Do what you have to do – which teaches them there’s a time and place and right now you have to do the dishes or make dinner or make this business call, but when that’s done – focus on the kid for an equal amount of time! That’s all they want. Intermittent amounts of undivided attention. They want to know when they need you you’ll be there. Kids are whiny because they know you’re not really paying attention. They whine so you’ll hear them when you come out of your fog.
My disclaimer: My kids were great kids. Polite and well-behaved in public, fun on the playground, popular in school, happy well-adjusted little people. I’ve no idea what happened when they hit late teens and had all that trouble. I wish I had insight into that. Maybe raising non-wussies meant they weren’t afraid to try things they really shouldn’t have tried. But they’re doing well now. One is a single-parent raising a daughter of his own, another just discharged from the Army after two tours in Iraq and the third just moved out on her own.
I have no gaydar
Feb 27th
Seriously, unless they’re flaming with feather boas (or some other obvious indicator) I never seem to pick up on it.
Not that it matters to me either way. Whatever floats your boat you know.
It’s just that… I have a wild fantasy life… I often (more often than I probably should) make up entire scenarios about various men I know or see or pass on the street. That’s a lot of energy to waste on the few that will never follow through… not that any will ever follow through but a girl has to dream, right?
I mean, men will never know what’s going on in my head. I don’t act like I’ve set up an elaborate fantasy involving him and I in wild animalesque ballets of sex…
unless you’re reading this now
in which case I don’t mean YOU! It’s that other guy… or maybe it was you. Whatever.
The point is, even though nobody will ever know who I fantasize about, I’m still embarrassed when I find out he’s gay. Even though it’s all in my head, I feel like I’ve just been slapped and not in a good way.
There was a really attractive gentleman that came to #evfn last night. Completely out of my league – which makes him prime fodder for starring in my latest mental pornplay – and I actually asked our mutual friend if the fella was married or gay just so I wouldn’t waste my energy on him. Mental energy that is, because there certainly hasn’t been anyone my own age returning any interest in actual playing around.
Maybe I should write some of these out?
Bon Jovi gets me off
Feb 26th
Well maybe just a little. I felt I needed an interesting title.
Monday night was a really great night. I went with Ladawn to Yucca Tap Room for open mic night and we had a really good time. I swear Ladawn is my lucky charm. Every time I go out with her I end up getting laid. Tuesday night we recorded Evo at 11. But Wednesday night was THE CONCERT EVENT OF MY LIFE! Really, the last concert I went to was George Michael back in Florida years and years ago.
Hmmm, went to Sheila’s work and we went from there to the Yard House right next to the arena. About 4:30. To drink. Oden and Rachel showed up and around 6:45 in we went. We I was not impressed by the opening band Dashboard Confessional. I didn’t recognize any songs.
Then Bon Jovi started up and I loved it. The band was great, the music was great, the energy was great, but the fat-ass big-haired bitch in front of me was NOT great.
CONCERT ETIQUETTE: IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU STANDS UP TO ROCK THE HOUSE, IT’S OKAY TO STAND UP AND ROCK THE HOUSE. BUT IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU (AND ESPECIALLY BEHIND YOUR FAT ASS) SITS DOWN TO ENJOY THE CONCERT, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!
Just sayin. I know you paid good money for a seat and so did I.
So anyway, good concert even though I had to watch most of the concert on the jumbotrons. Lots of middle-aged women with big hair, boots and plenty of make-up. Too many screaming women like any of them stood a chance. Fanatics both amuse me and creep me out.
Fun week and tonight is #evfn back at Whole Foods in a couple of hours.