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Memegory
Those useless yet strangely compelling memes we all know and hate.
30 years ago today
Nov 19th
I left out of nearby Detroit to go to basic training in Texas. Now, I’d never been out there and had no idea what to expect weather-wise or anything. I’d traveled from Michigan to Florida and back enough times to understand that different parts of the country had different weather. But every stupid cowboy movie I could remember showed hot dirty desert and technically Texas is in the south so I never thought it would be so cold! 
The whole trip was a mess of confusion and constant motion. Our family had had an early Thanksgiving and I’d said my goodbyes to everyone. My recruiter drove a few of us into Detroit where we swore the oath, gathered more people together, rode a bus to the airport, flew to Texas, shoved on another bus to Shepard AFB and assigned to a Flight. But I was freezing all day long. Can’t really remember much else of that day… and I might have some of that wrong.
I mean it was 30 years ago.
My bonk list
Sep 13th
We were chatting on the show the other day and I was asked if I would DO Tim Curry. Uh, no thanks.
My fantasy bonkage-weekend list doesn’t include Tim Curry but it does include:
- Bruce Willis, anytime anywhere. Even now with no hair.
- Nicolas Cage, if I could have had him maybe 20 years ago. Now he’s just kinda creepy.
- Johnny Depp, if he could be Sam from Benny and Joon the whole time. Or maybe Crybaby.
- Viggo Mortensen, but only as Aragorn. The real guy, not so much.
- Scott Cohen. Wolf was adorable. And an animal.
- Al Pacino, though he’s getting pretty old. Shave off a few years.
- Bruce Willis, (again, again)
- Dane Cook would be fun
- Matthew McConaughey – all day
- Richard T. Jones always made my toes tingle
- Vin Diesel, oh yeah
- Adam Baldwin at least once
- Nathan Fillion, but I actually just want to hang out with him more than bonk him, though I wouldn’t turn down the chance to do both.
I’ll quit for now. I’ll be (alone) in my bunk unless Bruce Willis knocks on my door.
Have a little dream?
Apr 28th
It starts off , I’m driving an unfamiliar car down an unfamiliar highway and get lost. Exits and interchanges later, I finally find where I’m going (in the rain) and it’s a military base. (I have a lot of dreams that start this way.)
As I get out of my car, Evo rides up on a motorcycle(?) and takes off his helmet, Oakleys, and riding gloves and hands them to some stranger in the crowd(?) and the paparazzi cameras start flashing as we talk. I have this brilliant idea for the show. We start walking into the building and he’s off-handedly signing autographs when suddenly people also start asking for mine. We’re not even paying attention as we sign and walk like this is regular business of the day.
Already weird eh?
As I try and tell him my oh-so-brilliant idea and try to find a piece of paper to write down notes, he tells me not to and that we need to be careful not to have written proof if we offend our fans. HE tells ME not to offend anyone.
Sheila’s in the make-up chair on a cell phone with her business manager.
We wander past the TV cameras in a studio to rival Jon Stewart’s and I’m listing stipulations to my idea. The guy has to be NOT married, really good looking and not take too long, because you know time is money on TV and taking forever to “get there” gets boring pretty fast.
And Evo tells me I CAN’T give a guy a blow-job live on the air for my birthday. That it is too offensive.
Bizzaro dream world, right?
