Amusing and/or interesting
Last Will and Testament
Mar 13th
Sitting here waiting on Max to call me that he’s ready. We’re all, and I mean ALL and sundry, going camping today/tonight/tomorrow. My family and a bunch of their friends. I’m going as the voice of reason. Me. Yeah.
The plan is to fill the empty KEG waiting in my car, pack up lots of GUNS and head out to the desert.
This isn’t gonna end well.
At least all the children are farmed out to babysitters.
Casey’s birthday was last Wednesday and Max’s is tomorrow so it’s a celebratory drunken festival of fun. Max hasn’t been home for his last few birthdays so he’s ready to party. I might just record certain phrases so I don’t have to wear myself out repeating them.
- Don’t point that gun this way!
- Please put that shotgun further from the bonfire.
- I’ll pass on the beer and eggs breakfast, thanks.
- Yes Officer, we’re insured.
So, if the unforeseen (wait, I see it coming so it’s really foreseen) happens, here is my Last Will and Testament:
- I ain’t got nuthin’ and nobody gets it. Give my crap back to Goodwill.
Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be.
PS If there’s anything on the news, could you record it for posterity?
CopOut
Mar 7th
I decided to splurge and take in a movie today. I wanted something light and funny so opted for CopOut over the heavier Alice (and thank gawd I didn’t chose that one – every family in Tempe did) or Avatar.
Let me say, I love Bruce Willis. I’d watch him do anything, even change the oil in his car. I especially like him in things with a sense of humor. He smiles and I smile; he laughs and I laugh. He’s usually the star of my midnight fantasies, those not starring Nic Cage. Not that he’s bad at playing bad, mind you. Just, you know, mmmMMMmmm.
And I really like Kevin Smith. Maybe not so much his movies – yet I sort of watched some Jay and Silent Bob movie last night – but I never miss a SMODcast and I’d love to just hang out with the man. He’s damned explicitly funny. But this didn’t really feel like a Kevin Smith movie. Maybe because I just get sucked into anything Bruce Willis does, I dunno.
Anyway, I laughed my ass off at this movie. Tracy Morgan almost was too much for me. I’m a little old for slapstick overboard stupid comedy, but he pulled it back just enough when the story needed to be more serious. Just when I would get bored with his antics, the scene would change. Nice editing, Kevin. But overall the movie was funny as hell. Go for a good time.
The only problem I had with this movie was the casting of Poh Boy. Usually when there’s a bad guy, especially when he’s supposed to be the leader attempting to take over x-amount of someone else’s territory, he looks the part. This guy didn’t look the part. He wasn’t the least bit scary to me, a middle-aged chunky midwestern Mom. He put out a flunky vibe in a part that should have called for a more intimidating character. Much darker instead of what we got. I half expected his peons to roll their eyes behind his back. But the baseball torture cage was inventive!
Should I start using some sort of judging thing? Stars… nah, too bland. Hmmm, how about a four FuckYeah! rating?
Raising Arizona Wussies
Mar 3rd
Wandering through meetup.com’s groups this morning and came across this bunch (emphasis mine):
Meet other parents who are supporters of Breastfeeding, Gentle Discipline, Child Led Weaning, Cloth diapering, Homeschooling, Babywearing, or Co-sleeping all are welcome here.We will have meet ups in Mesa, Chandler, Tempe, Phoenix, and Scottsdale. We ask that you always be respectful of the way that others parent.
Reason you have to put that disclaimer in your description? Because experienced parents know how stupid you all are! The title of the group should be How To Get Your Kid Beat Up and subtitled Or How To Raise A Columbine Killer!
What the fuck is babywearing?
I’ve been around parents who gently discipline. Those are the kids that are plowing over your kid in the play area or taking his stuff. The “Mummy” gently and in a baby voice says shit like, “no no darling, mummy asked you nicely to stop doing that. Do you want to have to do a time-out? Hmmm?” about 12 times instead of snatching their little brat up and giving him what for.
*sigh* I suppose it’s better than so-called parents who don’t do anything at all but yell at their spawn like they’re dogs.
How to be a good parent? Pay attention! That’s it. Pay attention. Be in the moment with your kid as often as possible, but also teach them that they aren’t the center of the universe. Do what you have to do – which teaches them there’s a time and place and right now you have to do the dishes or make dinner or make this business call, but when that’s done – focus on the kid for an equal amount of time! That’s all they want. Intermittent amounts of undivided attention. They want to know when they need you you’ll be there. Kids are whiny because they know you’re not really paying attention. They whine so you’ll hear them when you come out of your fog.
My disclaimer: My kids were great kids. Polite and well-behaved in public, fun on the playground, popular in school, happy well-adjusted little people. I’ve no idea what happened when they hit late teens and had all that trouble. I wish I had insight into that. Maybe raising non-wussies meant they weren’t afraid to try things they really shouldn’t have tried. But they’re doing well now. One is a single-parent raising a daughter of his own, another just discharged from the Army after two tours in Iraq and the third just moved out on her own.